FATHERS, MOTHERS, SISTERS, BROTHERS - Part II : How We Reach a Better Path

by Rev. Jonathan Faulkner

In part one of this series we looked at how 1 Timothy 5:1-2 informs our relationships within the Church today. We noted that the model Timothy is given by Paul is meant to hold him accountable as a leader in the Church, but also be an example to the Church of how to be in relationships with one another. In this article we dive deeper into the paradigm shift we need to make to build relationships like the ones I discussed in the last article. I have also included two short testimonies from some of my "sisters" in Christ with whom I've cultivated these kinds of relationships. 

As we dive deeper I want to take a look at another portion of Scripture, specifically the Ten Commandments in Exodus 20. The goal here is not to make a sort of "new law" or create unreasonable standards for relationships. That has been tried and failed, but to give us as men and women in Christ reasonable boundaries that create the freedom to build up one another into Christ. If we see sheep grazing on the side of the cliff we can put a fence there to keep the sheep from falling off the cliff. We make it safe for the sheep to play in the field unrestricted, without the fear of falling off the cliff and dying. My goal here is to encourage freedom, not restrictions, so that we all might play in Christ and enjoy the wonderful life found in being brothers and sisters in Christ.  

But first we must answer the obvious question: How do the Ten Commandments help us form reasonable boundaries that also give us freedom? 

In his book Becoming Good, Dr. David Gill writes: "On the surface, the Ten Commandments give us a list of prohibitions against doing these ten things. But they are also proscriptive of what we are to do, that is, they are not just a negative ‘Thou Shalt Not’ but within the Thou Shalt Not is a ‘Thou Shall.’" What Gill is saying is that contained within the list of "don'ts" is a list of "dos" and doing these things leads to life. Ethically then, one is not to murder, that is an explicit prohibition against taking someone's life, but there is also an implicit proscription here to uphold the lives of those around you. So you are not just to not take your neighbor’s life, but are to see to your neighbors flourishing. Not only are you to not steal from your neighbors, but you are to work to protect their property. So there is both an explicit prohibition and an implicit proscription within the ten commandments, and both must be obeyed. 

This comes out in passages like Jeremiah 29 where God tells the Israelites to: "Work for the Shalom of the place where you have been taken captive." Captivity is not fun, but they are to bless their captors, not destroy them. But it also plays out in the rest of the laws in the Pentateuch. Israel is to work for the Shalom of one another and the surrounding nations. They are to be a blessing to "all the peoples of the Earth" as God told Abraham they would in Genesis 15. Israel was to understand that God did not just mean, "do not do these 10 things" but that they should gladly and freely do their opposite. "Do not have any gods but me" also means: "Enjoy the Lord with all you have, love Him with all your heart, soul and mind." Devote your whole being to Him and watch how He blesses you. Dr. Gill reminds us that this is how we become good, that as the law of God is written on our hearts by the Holy Spirit we should naturally begin to live in this manner. We do not stop at obeying the ten commandments, "do nots" but start doing the "Do this instead." 

What does all this have to do with our initial passage in 1 Timothy? If you are a truly good person, held accountable by the Word of God and seeking to positively build up those around you in the implied "do's" of the Ten Commandments, then you will naturally seek to treat: "Older men as fathers, women as mothers, younger men as brothers and younger women as sisters" as the text says. You will want to do this because it is a natural way to uphold the life of the men and women around you.

This perspective can prevent events like “#ChurchToo” because instead of tearing down your sister in Christ, stealing from and harming your sister, you can protect and uplift her and see to her daily flourishing. Instead of committing adultery, you can uphold and strengthen your marriage and let it be an example to those who desire to one day be married themselves. There is great freedom in these boundaries, it is not just prohibitive because there is much room to play within the fence, however on the other side of that fence there is a cliff and certain death. Boundaries are meant to bring life, but crossing over or living without those boundaries can bring death so we must revel in the freedom created by boundaries. The boundary is to not murder or commit adultery, and the freedom is to see to our neighbors flourishing and to see to the flourishing of marriages around us. No one deserves to be objectified, no life should ever be destroyed. The Ten Commandments, the "Don'ts" and the "Dos" in tandem help us to live in such a way that we are working towards the wholeness and peace of all God's creations. Pairing it with 1 Timothy 5:1-2 gives us a better way to live with one another in a way that seeks everyone's flourishing. 

At work I will sometimes ask my married co-workers how their marriage is doing, if they've been out on a date lately, have they been doing the maintenance their marriage needs by spending time together? One co-worker felt freed by that conversation to go on a date with their spouse because they hadn't been on one in a while. In that way I upheld their marriage, and that was the sole purpose of asking them the question, to see to the flourishing of their marriage. The joy that this brought the co-worker was immense and while it felt good to me to have upheld their marriage they likely felt better because their marriage was edified and encouraged by a sibling in Christ who wanted to build them up into Christ. 

I want to conclude by including two paragraphs from my sisters in Christ with whom I have forged these kinds of friendships over the years. One friendship has lasted more than a decade now and the other is new. God put these blessings in my life and both have become good friends with my wife and "aunts" to my two children. It is my great joy to see them flourish as one sees her family grow and the other tries to figure out post-college life. They really are like little sisters, playing pranks and cracking jokes, but with the knowledge that the blood that makes us siblings, the Blood of Christ, means we are reconciled to one another in our friendship and can see to one another's flourishing as part of the larger body of Christ to which we are all organically bound by the Holy Spirit.

ALEX:

"Coming from a very broken home, 1 Timothy 5:1-2 was a hard one for me to understand how to live out practically at first. I’m so thankful that God led me to a small town, in the middle of nowhere, to learn how to be a part of the family of God. It was here that I met Jonathan, and I knew right away that he was safe. He treated me like I had seen other older brothers treat their younger sisters: protective, caring, and loyal; always wanting to uplift and honor, with a little bit of mischief mixed in too. I grew spiritually, and began to heal when I developed the healthy relationships Paul described to Timothy. My friendship with Jonathan helped me to see how cherished I was as a daughter of God, and that I was more than what the world tried to make me out to be. I was challenged, uplifted, and treated with dignity, and in return I was able to edify, encourage, and offer my perspective. Ultimately, my relationships with my brothers in Christ have brought me closer to the Father, and I am forever grateful for the many ways it has impacted and changed my life." 

NICOLE:

“The impact on my life from having someone of the other gender intentionally cultivate a friendship built on the principles discussed in the previous articles has been… wonderful having a friendship with a brother in the faith as a woman who wants to see that ‘Christ may be glorified when we build one another up into Christ, living out our reconciled state in the kingdom of heaven now.’ I have been fortunate enough to have great role models in the men in my life. Both my father and grandfather were, and still are, very intentional in pointing me to Christ and building me up according to the wonderful gift of having been reconciled to Him. However, growing up in a small church, there wasn’t a lot of opportunity to have intentional friendships with the opposite gender that resembled the exhortation in 1 Timothy 5. In my friendship with Jonathan, which has led naturally to a friendship with his lovely wife Rachel and cheery daughters, I have found a great example of what a true friendship with a brother in Christ should look like. We work alongside one another, and he greets me with a simple, “Hey sis,’ how are you doing today?” This small gesture of familial ties is a reminder to me of the shared love and knowledge of Christ, and helps me to live that out in my daily walk. It will sometimes be questioned by those within earshot, and leads to an explanation of our faith and hope in Christ. I'm very grateful for the effort that Jonathan has made in maintaining a friendship built on the principles that Paul gave to Timothy.” 

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Rev. Jonathan David Faulkner is a graduate of Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary holding Masters in Divinity and Church History, a pastor, musician and writer. He holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Christian Education & Administration with a concentration in Urban Ministry. He lives with his wife and two daughters in Spokane, Washington.

You can read more from Jonathan below, or on his dedicated site: godsheartforthose.com

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REFERENCES:

David W. Gill, Becoming Good: Building Moral Character, Intervarsity Press, Downers Grove IL. 2000

*A fuller conversation on Christian Ethics can be found in: David W. Gill, Doing Right: Practicing Ethical Principles, Intervarsity Press, Downers Grove IL. 2004 

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