Grieving, Struggling, and Healing
By George Kuo
“Blessed Are Those Who Mourn, For They Shall Be Comforted.”
On December 20, 2022, my wife, Linda, and I celebrated our 52 years of marriage. Throughout our marriage, she had enjoyed excellent health, getting only a minor cold once in a great while. Back in the summer of 2022, we had our annual blood tests. After our family doctor looked over her blood test results and some other tests, she said, “I could not find anything wrong. You are a very healthy 76-year-old!” And we were very pleased and encouraged to hear that.
One day in early January 2023, Linda abruptly said to me, “I want to move to another house, because I cannot deal with the daily going up and down stairs anymore!” I immediately agreed with her and thought the time was right for us to not only move to a place with no stairs, but also a good time to downsize our lifestyle and all the stuff we accumulated in our 46 years living in our Cherry Hill, New Jersey house. So, working diligently with our two sons, who helped us a lot, we promptly found a suitable place to move to and practically gave away about 90% of our stuff to get the house ready to be put on the market for sale.
While we were doing all of this, we found Linda’s health began to show some signs of deterioration. This was about the beginning of February 2023. Linda began to say she had a hard time walking, which was her form of daily exercise for decades. She also seemed to lose her balance at times, too.
After seeking help from our family doctor, specialists, and undergoing many tests, including MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging), Linda was diagnosed with lung cancer and brain tumors which had metastasized from the lung. This was about the end of March 2023. The bad news was such a shock to our family. Linda had been so healthy for decades, she never complained about headaches and never suffered any coughs. But we could see that her energy and strength were continuing to decline. She then lost the ability to go to the bathroom by herself.
Years ago Linda and I had talked about life and death issues. One time we were joking around and said who should go first? Then we would debate about it. Finally, she said very seriously, “I want to go first!” I asked why. She said, “I don’t want to live in this world without you!” I was shocked by her answer. But I treasured her answer in my heart, just appreciating her love and devotion for me. She also said that if one day she were to have incurable diseases, just let her go and don’t try anything to prolong the suffering. So when her condition got so bad, she decided to let it go naturally and face the results courageously. My two sons and I all agreed to respect Linda’s decision and requested God’s mercy to let her suffer the least pain possible.
About a month before she passed away, one night she woke me up and said, “I just heard Jesus tell me that He is going to send two angels to take me home!” As I reflected on this, I felt there seemed to be someone who was orchestrating a peaceful way for Linda to “go home.”
Linda and I moved to a one-bedroom apartment on April 10, 2023, while her health went downhill quickly. She began to receive 24/7 nursing care, and for the final ten days was switched to in-home hospice care. During this time she was always lying in bed and in a sleeping state.
About two weeks before she passed, she woke up and said to me, “I want to see my two sons as soon as possible.” So we called both sons (one in Chicago and the other in New York City) and urged them to come home as quickly as possible. Within 24 hours both sons arrived almost at the same time. When Linda heard their arrival, she suddenly opened her eyes and perked up with energy and said, “You two look so beautiful!” She looked so happy and laughed with a loud voice. Within two minutes her eyes closed again and she went back into a sleeping state. Linda must have known that she did not have too much time left and wanted to reserve that last ounce of energy for her two beloved sons. She wanted to give it her all to give them a wonderful welcome! As I looked at my dear wife, whose strength was fading away, I took this precious moment to remind her, “Linda, as you go before me into Father’s House, be sure to prepare a special place for us. Where you will be, I will be also.”
At this point we knew her passing was imminent. So we began to inform friends in the US and Taiwan to call Linda and talk with her for the last time. She was in a coma-like state, but she could still hear her friends and relatives. Many called and said goodbye. Many offered her prayers and blessings. My two sons and I, plus two close friends, kept vigil at her bedside until she passed into eternity in total peace on April 24, 2023 at about 10 pm. She was 77 years old.
My emotions at this time were mixed and complicated: (a) I was relieved to know that her struggle in this world was over, but I was very sad that she had left me alone; and (b) I felt the joy of knowing she had overcome death and was transformed into her eternal state. I was very grateful that all through her ordeal she was mostly in a sleeping state and did not suffer any pain.
From the diagnosis of cancer to her passing was only about two months. Even with nursing care helping us, I never had enough sleep during this period. So immediately after, my body, mind, and spirit were in the most weak and vulnerable state. I was glad my sons had come to help me deal with the many things related to the death of my wife.
Going through these experiences with Linda, from good health to death in two short months, helped me understand the meaning of life and death more deeply. The Bible states, “...the day of death is better than the day of birth” (Ecclesiastes 7:1b). As believers we can face death without fear. Instead it is through death that the door of this world closes and the door of eternity opens. The Bible teaches that those who accept Christ as Savior will receive eternal life. Death is not the end. It is a door from which we merge into another world or dimension.
Right after Linda’s passing, the hardest moments I had to go through each day were morning and night. When I went to bed, Linda was not there; and when I got up I was reminded again that Linda was not to be found. Each morning I cried out to God, “Lord, I miss Linda so much. Please give me grace so I can go on. Please give me your strength so I can continue to move forward.” This period of my deep grieving went on for about three weeks. My life was about to lose its balance. I suddenly realized that tomorrow would be Mother’s Day 2023. I needed to write to my two sons. The title was: “A Mother’s Day Without Mother.” I told my sons, “Tomorrow will be the first Mother’s Day without your mother. For me, it will be the first time I won’t have Linda with me on Mother’s Day in 52 years…” I wrote them this letter as I cried. Oh, how hard it was to finish this letter.
One strange thing happened right after I finished my letter. For whatever reason, I suddenly calmed down and my spirit was awakened. I thought to myself, “I cannot continue to focus on my grieving and loss. It’s time to think forward and move on.” This sudden breakthrough helped me to realize the fact that Linda is gone forever in this world. I have to accept that she is not coming back. I need to make some plan for my life without her. I have to find what strength is left behind, and remind myself that God is not through with me yet.
Linda has been gone for about five months. I must say, God has put me through fire and storms. I am still going through the journey of grieving, learning from my grief, and being healed daily. I am regaining my balance and a sense of direction for my future.
Reflecting on my grieving and healing, there are some things that have helped me through the process:
1) God’s comforting presence;
2) God’s sustaining peace; and
3) God’s promise of eternal life, which gives me hope.
In other words, seeking God’s help through prayer has brought God’s comfort, His peace, and hope for the future in God’s promise of eternal life. When I know where I am going, the future looks brighter than ever before.
I have learned the lesson of my grieving journey. It was a process God wanted me to go through so I could face the reality that my beloved wife is not going to come back to this world anymore. No matter how great the loss I feel, I asked God to let it give way to beautiful memories. This way I can move forward and make plans for my future. I cannot continue to focus on what I have lost. Instead I need to focus on what I still have. As long as I am still in this world, I still have missions and good works to accomplish.
I am grateful that my grieving has hurt so much, because I loved Linda so much, too. What a privilege it was to love her so truly even just once in a lifetime!
My grieving journey has been one of the hardest things I’ve had to face in my life. For the past five months God has strengthened me and given me the grace needed to carry on. I have learned the meaning of death and life through the journey. Yes, I am still going through the grieving journey, but I have regained my life’s balance enough to look to the future with hope.
I am 82 years old now. I don’t know how many years God will still give me. For me the future is bright since I can look at the end of life as the greatest climax of my life. I can now live my life backward, knowing that each day is a gift from God. Each day is closer to the day I will be called back to Father’s House, where I will eventually see my beloved Linda. And in that world, God will wipe away my tears and there will be no more death, no suffering, and no disease (Revelation 21:4). Oh, how I expect that glorious day to come in God’s good time, and in His good will.
George and Linda Kuo have been a vital part of KRC (Kingdom Resources for Christ) since its founding over 25 years ago. They have led many marriage and relationship workshops and authored a popular book on marital intimacy, “Oneness in Marriage,” based on Biblical principles and their own experiences through their many decades of marriage. Since Linda’s passing into eternity in April 2023, George has been sharing his faith and his journey of grief within his senior living community in Southern New Jersey, and beyond.
You can learn more about their work and writings here: https://www.shen-guo.org/oneness-in-marriage.html.
