Gift from God

By Tiffany Tang

Many of us living in this world often end up asking ourselves the age-old question: What is happiness? Happiness is something that many value very dearly, but many people don’t understand that happiness can look different for different people. Many people believe happiness can be achieved by objective factors, including marriage, success, status, culture, income, and life events. However, these can explain relatively little variation in someone’s levels of wellbeing. Having all of these factors is not a guarantee of one’s happiness. Whenever people pursue things they think will make them happy, they can often find themselves feeling empty. No matter where we are in life, we are always setting goals for ourselves. When we accomplish one goal, we then need to start making and working towards another goal. In this way, there is no rest seeking happiness.

We often pursue the idea of “being happy” and neglect our other needs or overlook what we are already blessed to have.

Another important thing to know is that when people are asked what their happiness levels will be ten years into the future, a lot of them will answer something similar to how happy they feel in the present. The thing is, happiness cannot be pre-determined; it can fluctuate depending on how we face our problems. In this way, we can end up changing course over and over again depending on how we feel. So what exactly is “happiness”? And is there a way for it to last forever? For me, finding happiness comes from living a life that brings joy and fulfillment, and that can be through Christ. While happiness doesn’t necessarily last forever, there is at least one way that people find a happy life, and that is through our relationship with Christ and the gift God gives us.

Positive Regard & When Different Versions of Happiness Collide

But before I describe the gift God gives us, I want to explore how we sometimes allow happiness to be defined in us by others. As human beings, we are not immune to the effects of dictating our self-worth based on our relationships, such as family, friends, peers, etc. This in turn can make it difficult for us to achieve true happiness for ourselves. The Self-Discrepancy Theory developed by Edward Tory Higgins describes a situation where who you are does not match who you want or are supposed to be. When our actual self does not match our ideal self, or who we dream or desire to be, it may lead to states of depression and disappointment. Meanwhile, when our actual self does not match our ought self (who we’re supposed to be), it can lead to states of anxiety, shame, and guilt.

Sometimes we are rewarded for fulfilling a standard rather than being who we feel we are.

This reward from others is known in psychology as “positive regard”. This can be seen when we are only given affection or praise by accomplishing something, like getting good grades or winning an award. Growing up in this sort of environment, many people often seek external validation rather than finding internal fulfillment.

Self-Actualization

So why am I bringing this up? According to Abraham Maslow, a well-renowned psychologist, as human beings, some of our basic needs include positive regard and self-actualization. Self-actualization is when we become everything we are capable of becoming. For the most part, it can be achieved by first meeting a set of other needs including, from lowest to highest: physical needs, safety, love and belonging, and self-esteem. “Lower” needs, such as food, water, or shelter, tend to be prioritized while “higher” needs, such as relationships, are achieved later in life. In this case, we tend to prioritize our relationships and sense of belonging over our sense of self-esteem and self-worth, which are considered to be higher needs. This often leads us to do certain things out of obligation rather than genuinely for ourselves. In order to reach self-actualization in general, not only do we need to fulfill our other needs, but we also need to develop a strong self-image and what we define as our purpose in life. I believe everyone in this world is trying to achieve self-actualization, to reach their full potential. Ultimately, the idea of self-actualization is to build an identity for yourself and be able to live it to the fullest. I believe my “self-actualization” is found in Christ, and to find this, we need to actively believe that we are a part of Christ and understand where God is calling us towards and know why we choose to follow Him, and we can find this all in God’s gift.

God’s Gift

So what is God’s gift that I mentioned earlier? Recently, at the church I attended while studying at Rutgers, one of the passages we talked about was “The Story of the Prodigal Son”, from Luke 15:11-32. The story is about a father with two sons. His younger son asked for his inheritance early, so the father divided his property between his two sons. The younger son went off into a distant land, splurging all he had, leaving nothing left. When a famine hit the country, he sought work feeding pigs. He was so hungry and so desperate that he even ate some of the food to feed the pigs. After he came to his senses and realized he had sinned, he decided to return to his father. When he found his way home, he was immediately welcomed back warmly by his father who rejoiced in his return and held a feast in celebration. Meanwhile, the older son who stayed working in the field saw the commotion. One of the servants informed him what had happened, and he responded with anger and bitterness as he himself felt entitled to the treatment his younger brother was getting. But his father reminded him that what is being celebrated was how his younger brother lost his way but found his way back home. While the younger son is the main focus of the story, both sons’ stories serve as separate lessons. From the younger son, we often assume certain things would grant us happiness but we often lose sight of what is really important. When we do hit rock bottom, it gives us the opportunity to be more open-minded and can make us the most susceptible to change. From the older son, even though we are fulfilling a certain set of rules God told us to follow, his love isn’t transactional where doing good works earns us what we need or want. Upon discussing the passage, many people from my small group noted how while the older son was physically there for his father, he wasn’t with him emotionally. There are many people who call themselves Christians who hold others into a certain category or give them a number of standards to uphold as the means of claiming that this is what God wants. When they carry out God’s Word in this manner, it’s more out of obligation or with some ulterior motive as we expect something in return. God is about unconditional love, as He loves us even despite our sin. That is why He sent His only Son to die on the cross for us, taking on all of our sin.

In one of the recent sermons I attended at Rutgers, we covered why God came to us in the first place. Two verses in particular stood out to me:

1. On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners” (Mark 2:17)

2. Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God (Hebrews 12:2).

God’s gift to us is his only Son. Christ Jesus died on the cross for us so He could grant us the greatest gift of all, and that is a life with God. In order to be followers of Christ, we need to develop a sense of humility and a form of self-awareness where we acknowledge the fact that we are sinners and have done wrong, and may continue to do wrong. It doesn’t matter what it is you are or who you were in the past.

The ultimate positive regard comes in Christ through God ’s gift.

The ultimate self-actualization for me is also through Christ, where we wrestle to walk by faith in a difficult world to abide in Christ. We are all sinners, and we all need to seek guidance. Being a sinner and needing guidance doesn’t mean God will love you any less. If you choose to take accountability for your sins and devote yourself to becoming a person in Christ, God will always welcome you. This is how many people eventually find salvation and why they have found the “happiness” many seek.

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Tiffany Tang is a recent graduate from Rutgers. Double majoring in psychology and communication, she hopes to work in mental health and become an advocate for mental health awareness. She aspires to do God’s work as a healer, whether it’s through her knowledge in psychology or through the Word and power of Christ.

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